every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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