3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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