I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
