Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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