If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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