my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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