Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
