a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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