life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
