we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
