things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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