so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
