the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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