I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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