I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
two words...techno handjob
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
