ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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