Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
