just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
