Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
