Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
