Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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