Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
