She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
