Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
