I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
