walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
