I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
