peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
