Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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