i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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