They should really pass out barf bags in church
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
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Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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