in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
