talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
