I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
