I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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