She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
