i may or may not be watching the land before time
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
