I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
