i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
