What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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