His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
