absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
