By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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