Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
