remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
