I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Randomize
