Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
