worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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