I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
