jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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