wrigley field is MILF paradise
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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