just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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