i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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