We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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