So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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