I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize