Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize