I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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