Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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