Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
